没有 title 的一篇

从小到大，无论我做什么事，好像都是我的错。这样的一生，真的好难受。我真的没办法用言语来形容我内心的挣扎。真的好累。真的好想把我内心的矛盾，愤怒，全给呐喊，愤吼出来。

小时候，家里无论发生什么事，错的矛头通常都会指向我。我不知道是不是我是男生或是老大，所以得扛下罪名。长大后，在感情生活中，也有同样的遭遇。我真的好累，好累。我何时才能摆脱这一切。

心中的挣扎，何时才能有个解脱？如果不能解脱，我想至少也要发泄一下。

THE FINAL!!!

Yes! I have finally printed my thesis! WOOHOO~~~ Actually, I printed it yesterday. But after proof reading the hard copy, I found lots of typo errors, missing information and wrong concepts! So I made the changes yesterday night and went back to the office to print the corrected pages. Not to mention the laser printer that was giving me not-so-nice confocal images from my PDF. So I have to frantically make the brightness and contrast higher so that the red dots on the black background can stand out. Nonetheless, I managed to print them all and insert the corrected pages.

It's, however, not the end of my Honours. Tomorrow is just the thesis submission date. Two weeks later, I have an oral defense that requires me to give a 5-min brief sum up of my project and also a 15-min Q&A. It is only after 10 November can I be considered a FREE MAN!

Looking back, this hasn't been a smooth flowing year for me, at least in terms of this project. Failed and un-optimized experiments and frustrating cloning stuff are just some of the setbacks I have experienced. Not to mention that my supervisor doesn't really trust my results even though I have done the experiments a few times. And also, my fickle-minded supervisor keeps changing his mind about certain ideas. Makes it even more difficult for me trying to go one direction and halfway through it, he wanted me to go another direction. Very frustrating indeed...

I was chatting with ZQ that Honours is a very mentally-torturing year. We have to be disciplined to stick to our experimental deadlines. We have to constantly pick ourselves up after failed experiments and harsh words from our supervisors. For me, my last 3 weeks were extremely demoralizing. My drafts all came back with harsh words and comments. Even after I have managed to change my drafts to the way my supervisor wanted it, he asked me if I got any help from the rest of the lab people to be able to come up with such good work. My heart was totally shattered. So my supervisor doesn't think that I have the ability to come up with excellent work. (-__-)!!!

Nonetheless, the stressful and tedious period of writing is over. I just have to pray hard that I can score a H1 (1st class Honours). I don't care if it's a high H1 or low H1. A H1 is a H1. So, now I will be able to update my blog more often and also go out and shoot more pictures. My cameras are seriously under-utilized and I need to capture more of Melbourne and maybe other parts of Australia before I come home for good. I seriously don't think I will be coming back to Australia in the near future. Although these 2 years of my life in Melbourne have been an unforgettable one, I do like to come back to Singapore where all my loved ones are.

So friends and family, await my return!

“理所当然”

是不是我都把每件事都处理得太完美？
是不是我把这些人给宠坏了？
所以这些人才把我当作是“理所当然”？

'Sorry' means nothing if you don't mean it at all...

"Knowing the root of the problem and not solving it, is as good as creating a new problem."

I think I am having enough of all these nonsense. If people don't care and bother, why should I? I am not a fucking nanny. Grow up and stop being like a spoilt brat. Disgrace.

It's AUGUST already!!!

OMG!!! It's AUGUST already!!! Can't believe it's been almost 6 months since I started my Honours year. Now I'm officially left with 2 months of lab time to gather all my results. After which, I have about 3 weeks to write up my thesis. The final 2 weeks after thesis submission will be preparing for my oral defense which takes place on 10 November. And after that, I will finally be a FREE MAN!!! No more lab work, no more data analysis, no more cell culture, no more confocal microscopy! Can't wait for my freedom! Can't wait for this nightmare to end!

Hopefully I can plan a trip around Australia after my Honours. Want to go to Adelaide, Alice Spring, maybe Darwin, Brisbane, Gold Coast and Sydney. Will need to plan this real well so that I don't end up stuck at one place for more than I intended to. Need to save some money for my family New Zealand trip when they come over for my graduation. WOOHOO~~~

Lazy...

Lazy Saturday morning... Just wanna laze around in bed the whole day... But have to go grocery shopping... Need my beauty sleep!!!

The Feeling of Emptiness

Lost. Empty. These are the two words that best described my feelings now. Having stayed with my Larling for 3 weeks, her departure this evening was difficult for me. I know it was difficult for her as well. 3 weeks of house chores together. 3 weekends of shopping and Koko Black drinking. 3 weeks of loving moments. I wished it could be longer. It can only remain a wish...

My nightmare was converted back to reality when she arrived on 23 April 2010. My world was back to reality on that day. My heart was thumping fast and hard every time I await her arrival. And when she came out from the gate, my heart stopped and reverted back to pumping blood. The holding of hands, the hugging and voices of each other. I am no longer in a nightmare. The arrival hall was a place of joy and happiness.

3 weeks together. We shared the house chores. We went to the market for weekly groceries. We went to Koko Black, her favorite cafe, 4 times in 3 weeks. We went to Il Dolce Freddo twice. We made desserts together. We went to Camberwell Rotary Flea Market. We went to the Arts Market. We went to Chadstone shopping mall. We went to Il Primo Posto for our 17th month anniversary. We went to the Art House, Meat Market for an arts exhibition. We went to Federal Square for the Buddha Day. I just wished we could have more time together...

Today was her departure day back to Singapore. It was hard for me to contain my sadness. But I have to be strong because I know my Larling is finding it doubly hard to leave me. The airport has became a place of sorrow at the departure hall. No doubt it was hard for me to see her walk past the departure gate, I know she will definitely be back in 6 months' time. I hope time passes fast for that day to come. And when that day comes, I will be expecting my family and my Larling at the arrival hall. And the next time at the departure hall, it will no longer be a sorrowful place...